Daydreaming in the Dentist’s Chair
Thoughts on night-weaning, birthday milestones, etc.
Today’s post is short and sweet, inspired by my nap at the dentist. I have been reminded to embrace each season my children are in and to remember to find joy and silver linings wherever we are.
Life is chaotic and exhausting enough these days to make my biannual trip to the dentist a treat. I got to take a rest on the reclining chair for almost an hour and did my best not to fall asleep to the whirring of machines and poking of my gums. Not to mention the fifteen-minute drive by myself there and back (which was delicious). It has been a long week! I have been night-weaning Jesse and boy have we been fussy! I am grateful I felt the oxytocin drop as well because it gave me more empathy for how his little body was feeling. We have been doing our best to have lots of daytime nursing and cuddles, but it has been a lot of fussing and not a lot of sleep.
I have been thinking about these early years. In parenting lore, they are often characterized as the hardest. In some ways, I agree that the baby and toddler years are relentless. Round-the-clock care. No days truly off. They are hands-on and require a high level of intensive care. Yet, I would be remiss in wishing them away. In many ways, I am embracing these years as the “easy” part because our family’s world is still simple and small. The heartbreak and challenges of entering the wider world are still at bay. At one and four, my sons’ needs are uncomplicated and straightforward. They desire attachment: love, safety and belonging from their caregivers, namely Corey and myself. I can solve most of their problems through a hug, a peanut butter sandwich, a fresh diaper, a band-aid, a few minutes of my attention, or a warm, safe place to sleep. Their love is pure and uncomplicated. I treasure their little arms around my neck, a kiss on the mouth, a co-sleeping cuddle, and nursing in our rocking chair. I know we will grow out of these soon. Each season will bring its challenges and joys.
As my children move towards their fifth and second birthdays, I feel a change in the air. Two marks a departure from babyhood. Five marks the beginning of kindergarten and a whole new world. It is hard not to feel sad about the years falling behind in our wake, but I am leaning heavily into the present and finding joy in my boys exactly as they are in front of me.
Jesse, our post-night weaning week notwithstanding, is at a hilarious age. Confidence and flair are through the roof. He is quick to play and engage. All of his new words and ways of communicating are so, so sweet. He falls asleep saying “I love you mama, I love you dada, I love you Curren” over and over again. We melt at his sweetness. His bright eyes and easy smile bring us so much joy. His toddler swagger is in full force!
Style notes: Jesse turns his own hat backwards, the purple bandana is his pacifier clip, and he dislikes shirts in general.
Curren is our delight! His fifth birthday is a few weeks away and we are getting a taste of having a third counterpart at the table. Our conversations are whimsical and entertaining. He is creative and inquisitive. I found out recently that he is part of “Gen Alpha” and it fills me with so much hope for him and his generation. He is full of optimism, sweetness, compassion and innovation. I love my days spent alongside him.
While I can easily tear up looking through old photos of the boys, I am reminding myself not to miss the present by ruminating on the past or obsessing over the future. I love, love, love having a baby in my arms. But my boys are offering me an invitation to play and I am reaching out to receive it with both hands.